April 26, 2005
These Wee Hours
I woke up at about midnight after telling myself yesterday afternoon at about 2 pm I'd take a nap before getting to the things I needed to do today. Yeah... 10 hours later LOL!
I caught two episodes of "Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law" (I think that was the title). I must say, ATHF aside, that was probably that strangest cartoon I've seen in my entire life. Oh wait... no, I forgot about "My Sexual Harrassment" hehehe remember that one Shalaney? I'll never be able to look at a corn cob the same way.
I'm debating on wether or not I"m going to work today. I've got an hour and 19 minutes to decide. While I ponder that I'm jamming out to the theme from Jurassic Park. Because everybody should. It's a blast to sit here and get creeped out like I'm going to look over my shoulder and have velociraptor drama all up in my face.
LOL It's vital to consider what you would do if you were confronted by velociraptors. I think everybody has done it a time or two. Like... would you try to bonk it on the nose with a rolled up paper... "BAD BLOODTHIRSTY DINO! WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE DEENO! HE JUST PLAYED TRICKS ON FRED! HE NEVER ATE HIM!"
It's like thunder
Then there is the impending reality that velociraptors may have evolved into chickens... what sucky charma! Sweet jesus! Once upon a time you scavenged the earth leaving a trail of blood... feared... respected... now we serve your nuggets in a combo meal. That's a 180 for ya
Lightnin'
Wow, speaking of changes... iTunes just shuffled me from the theme from Jurassic Park to "Tonight Tonight" by Smashing pumpkins. Now there's a band. The pumpkins. Who else could sell multi-platinum albums with a song like "Mayaonaise" and a mug like Billy Corgan? Yet somehow it all comes together. Believe it or not I'm a Zwan fan too. I loved that "Honestly" song they did. It was like the only thing they got on the radio. It was good though.
The way you love me is frightening
Oh! Oh, no you didnt'... These gizzards are supposed to be half off! "Sir if he were still a velociraptor he'd be eating your nuggets, so get off it."
I better knock
I guess I should mention the evil customer I had yesterday. Tell me, have you ever experienced somebody who tries to twist everything into a "the world is out to get me"-esque argument. So, he has just gone off about how he had to call for the second time today because our system was upgrading when he called the first time... FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO! I was like "Sorry to inform you sir, but our system is STILL upgrading, we gave you a TWO HOUR estimate"
"Well if you don't take my payment now, my service is going to be interrupted tomorrow."
"I definitely understand the situation sir, and appologize for this inconvienience. Is your address still
"Yes, but I don't see how that is important."
"Well sir, I wanted to make sure we have the right address in case you didn't recieve the first bill we sent you 3 months ago, or the past due bill 2 months ago, or the notice of interruption we sent you last month, and possibly the one we sent you two weeks ago also."
"I got that crap, but the point is, you aren't allowing me to pay."
"It's not that I'm trying to prevent you from paying sir, I simply don't have access to they system that would allow me to take your payment. As I've told you, you can pay on our website or through our automated phone system which accepts all the same payments we can, at no charge, and will post immediately to your account. That will prevent the interruption of service tomorrow."
"You are a piece of work, you know that. You are going to try and frame this like I've made no effort to pay here! I don't have a computer, I can't do your website, so I guess you won't get paid, because you won't let me pay you!"
"No computer or internet access is necessary to use our automated system, which I can transfer you directly to now, it uses the same payment methods we do, doesn't charge, and I can tell you exactly what buttons to press to get to the payment function."
"YOU TAKE YOUR ... SYSTEM... AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, AND YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DO YOUR JOB, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT I'M NOT LIABLE FOR YOUR INABILITY TO ACCEPT A PAYMENT! I'M FILING A COMPLAINT WITH THE BETTER BUSINESS ... (he stutters trying to remember the rest of the name) THE BBB!"
(me, knowing I'm going to be leaving this job in a few days)
"Ok sir, we'll file one with your credit report, if you would like us to process your payment you can call back in about an hour and a half when our system is done with it's upgrade, if not use the automated system, I'm transfering you there now, have a wonderful morning!"
(me, giggling as I momentarily eye the "transfer to Chinese Language Support" button, and decide instead to hang up the call)
I love working the collections queue. I don't take crap from anybody! Well, that's not true, I do feel sorry for some people. I'll give you an extension if you give me a real tearjerker. It's got to be "Steel Magnolias... Fried Green Tomatoes" level tearjerker though. Anything less than your greatest performance and your ass is getting reported to equifax.
duh duh duh.... on wood!
Just be glad evil man who can't pay a bill on time... that you don't live in the time of velociraptors... that's right, the pre-chicken days! Oh, you'd be the first to go in an age where everything was settled with life or death, nobody is going to listen to your spin while your ass is being eaten by the velociraptor we sent out to collect on the bill you didn't pay. Huh? What about that... don't give me that... "dear god, the humanity, my leg, I'll pay!!!" line either. You should have thought about that before we had to take fluffy (the velociraptor) out of his cage and air-drop him in your living room! BTW, have some nuggets.
Later!
Posted by Decemberice at April 26, 2005 12:36 AM
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