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November 07, 2006

Hell, to Boise, and back to Hell

So, at sometime around 5pm Sunday night, I decide I'm going to go to Boise for 3 days. A few hours later I grab a blanket, a friend, and leave. I had a lot of fun. I took my friend Ashley because she was having a horrible week and wanted to get away for a while too. We got lost in downtown Boise, I walked into an extremely clean window and twisted my ankle in a parking lot and laid in pain for a half hour, I discovered that Starbucks drove my beloved Thomas Hammer out of business in most of Boise, and I got to hang out with my friends Austin and Sarah... who drew on me and threw salt at me.

We also tested the limits of my iPod and found that it can last the entire car ride to Boise, and that you CAN, in fact, sing along to audiobooks.

So, why did I go? Because I hate my house LOL. I should say, technically, it's a love/hate thing. Some days I don't mind it, other days I regret ever agreeing to stay here until my mom gets used to life without my dad. My neice and nephew are constantly getting dumped here, or their mom or dad will come over to use my mom's computer and boot me off of it so they can browse stupid car news websites and play games. Yes, I have my own computer, but I don't have a beautiful 19" monitor on mine, and the almighty power of OSX Tiger. Although I bought both of these things for my mom.

So, when I bring up to my mom that it drives me nuts that they are constantly here, I get: It's there house too. Only it's not. They don't pay rent like I do (excessive rent at that). They don't to take out the trash, they don't get to change the water, they don't get to buy food... I do. It's my house too, but it's not their house too. They have their own home. Had they planned better financially, they too would have the internet and a functioning computer of their own.

I guess what I'm really saying is I need to be in control of my own space, and that just isn't happening here. I wish I could say that I felt confident that this situation is going to work, because I made a promise to my dad before he died that I'm trying my best to keep up, but at some point, I might have to throw the towel in. That point is rapidly approaching.

Anyway, I've got to go find something to eat and get a shower. I've gone for 2 full days without one and it aint pretty.

Posted by Decemberice at November 7, 2006 07:46 PM

Comments

I am sorry your dad died. It's honorable that you are helping your mother. Kudos to you.

If you don't want them there, have you considered providing temporary financial assistance to help them maintain independent living quarters?

Posted by: #1 London Fan at November 8, 2006 12:14 AM

Some requests aren't fair one's to make and this sounds like one of them.

In my opinion, you've done more for your mom and dad than the rest of your siblings have. Perhaps it is time to do what you need to do for you, and if your mom still needs company, suggest that she ask one of her other kids to step up to the plate for once.

...Or maybe I have been reading too many advice columns.


Posted by: Sarah at November 8, 2006 10:02 AM

Hey,

I just wanted to say thank you again for asking me to come with. It was super nice to get away from here...and you totally should have called when you twisted your ankle...I was sitting there thinking to myself "No one takes this long to find cookies." And I'm sorry for being a horrible friend and laughing at your pain...when you see me smash into things you're free to laugh at me because I will be laughing at myself as well.

You know my opinion on the whole living arrangement thing. I don't think its fair that you have to provide babysitting services, pay rent, remodel the place, and put up with all the garbage.

Not to mention that when you're forced to live your life to the wills, wants, and needs of others it does nothing but take away from your sense of who you are.

You've done a wonderful thing by holding on to your promise to your father for as long as you have, but there is no sense sacrificing yourself for a promise you've already done more than anyone else to keep. When the time is right to go you will know, and in time, as grudges would not be warranted, they shall heal.

Posted by: Ashley at November 9, 2006 03:20 AM

Well...I think I tend to agree with Sarah on this. I think it's great your working so hard to keep your promise to you're dad and that you're looking out for your mom, but it is your house too. Like you said, you pay rent, you buy food, you do chores--you have every right to express your discontent to your mother.

You've got a good job, one you really like, and one I'm assuming pays you pretty well (since I've never bothered to ask). Tell your mom if things don't change, you're leaving. If she says to get out--go. You can take care of yourself just fine now, and she's a grown woman and there are two other kids that have the same repsonsiblity to her as you do.

J, you're an awesome person and a good son, but that doesn't give anyone the right to walk all over you and abuse that kindness (especially family members). There comes a time when you've got to look out for yourself first, and that's ok.

Now that I've said my piece, I hope you cheer up!!! Call me if you get bored. I have three days off this week!

Posted by: Zoso at November 9, 2006 06:00 AM

Well, I can't give much advice especially after that whole fucked up situation when I was living with MY mother a few years ago...lol. But maybe you can start preparing your mom for when you'll move out, tell her when you're gonna do it, and give her the day. Then it won't be like you're up and leaving, and you'll feel like you've fullfilled your promise made to your dad. I think if you want to move J... you should if you're ready.

Posted by: Austin at November 10, 2006 09:12 AM