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October 19, 2008
How do you deal with the death of a pet...
... who is so much a part of your life?
That's the question I find myself asking. My dog is still very much alive but she is now 14 years old. She is starting to have health problems. Despite my best efforts the health problems are becoming more than I can afford to deal with. I hate that. I feel like I owe it to her to do everything I can for my dog and would happily spend the thousands of dollars necessary to keep her healthy if I had it. Currently, she needs special food due to her kidney problems which is like $3 a can, 2 cans a day. She has eye problems, she can't hear very well, she's running into things because her coordination is off, and in the last two months she's started to have accidents in the house on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I'm working about 10 hours a day if not more most days and that means I can't give her the attention she needs to work through this. I've had to start considering the quality of her life. My family gets mad at her because she's doing these things and I honestly don't believe it's her fault that we all work long days I can't let her in and out like she needs.
More importantly I got Sox when I was 12. That's when most of the problems started in my life, when I realized that I was gay, when I had my first boyfriend, when I pulled my ligaments and first discovered the evils of opioid pain killers. I had all sorts of changes and problems going on in my life, I was crazy, it was crazy, but my dog never judged me and I could sit and talk to her about my day and she would tilt her head as if to affectionately tell me she had no idea what I was saying but she still cared.
I feel like I am forced to put to sleep my best friend. The only person who's ever known me and all my strife and never been anything other than happy to see me despite it. I can't fill that void once she's gone.
Sox and I have been best friends for as far back as I care to remember. On christmas I get her presents from Santa Paws, I threw my brother in law out of the house for hitting her once because she bit him. By all means she should have gone for the throat but she was nice about it. So I don't know what to do without her. Worse yet, because I can't make the decision I've pawned it off on my mother. I can't be there for it, I can't be a part of it.. so the side effect is that I'll come home one day and this integral part of my life for all this years will just be gone.
Posted by Decemberice at October 19, 2008 08:08 PM
Comments
I am really, really sorry J. I can imagine how hard this is for you.
I'm not a huggy person. But hugs to you.
Posted by: Sarah at October 20, 2008 07:55 PM